this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
