apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
