Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
