3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
