my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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