I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
