When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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