suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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