So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
