my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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