Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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