I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
