life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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