for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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