Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
