I want to walk on stilts...naked
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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