speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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