the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe