I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?