I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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