Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.

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  (480): So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction. http://tfl.nu/bt6f
  Replies (54) Good night (694) Bad night (4260)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  why was he too nerdy?

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  he was a tetris block for halloween

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  (314): why was he too nerdy? (919): he was a tetris block for halloween http://tfl.nu/svcq
  Replies (56) Good night (5485) Bad night (1106)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?

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  (646): Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself? http://tfl.nu/aacm
  Replies (5) Good night (671) Bad night (4673)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you

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  (203): my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it (973): just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you http://tfl.nu/4uwz
  Replies (60) Good night (2039) Bad night (5031)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.

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  (781): Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him. http://tfl.nu/iiv7
  Replies (15) Good night (8132) Bad night (1043)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'

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  (778): No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain' http://tfl.nu/2rma
  Replies (28) Good night (1664) Bad night (7660)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.

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  (702): Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies. http://tfl.nu/viog
  Replies (7) Good night (3839) Bad night (773)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night

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  (314): You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night http://tfl.nu/nbdz
  Replies (13) Good night (1525) Bad night (4299)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  where's my purse there's an important taco in it

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  (908): where's my purse there's an important taco in it http://tfl.nu/d9zq
  Replies (19) Good night (7393) Bad night (963)
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  (805): View more from California

  I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.

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  (805): I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up. http://tfl.nu/2z9h
  Replies (10) Good night (1875) Bad night (626)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...

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  (902): Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask? (902): It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet... http://tfl.nu/mgzk
  Replies (19) Good night (2108) Bad night (478)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.

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  (561): No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise. http://tfl.nu/h521
  Replies (8) Good night (1168) Bad night (512)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine

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  (317): Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine http://tfl.nu/233e
  Replies (3) Good night (653) Bad night (332)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.

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  (+61): I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality. http://tfl.nu/cwc2
  Replies (4) Good night (380) Bad night (365)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03

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  (304): Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03 http://tfl.nu/37tw
  Replies (3) Good night (250) Bad night (504)

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