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• (586): View more from Michigan

  I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus

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• (510): View more from California

  i wonder if she has dreads down there too...

  Fav 13 864 2998

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.

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  19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.

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• (347): View more from New York

  his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.

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• (914): View more from New York

  He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.

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• 

  The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (207): View more from Maine

  I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!

  Fav 6 2580 871

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• (209): View more from California

  Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!

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• (310): View more from California

  I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick

  Fav 7 450 1057

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