worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
