I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
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There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
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So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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