Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize