I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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