this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
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i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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