i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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