allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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