This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
