Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
