We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
