we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
