I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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