Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
