Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
