Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
