My hand turned me down
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
