from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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