my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
