It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
