We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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