it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
