I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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