so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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