I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
