You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
