I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
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Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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