a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
