i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
