All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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