So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize