marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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