Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
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life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
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