I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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