Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
