apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's just like the Real World with babies
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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