I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize