He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
