Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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