Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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