I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
