also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
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he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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