Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
